Listen for complaints of bruising.
Your child may exhibit a sudden new concern about her cut knees and skinned shins, or react disproportionately to a minor bump. She may complain of tummy ache or headache, or experience rashes, lethargy, nausea, colds, weakness, forgetfulness, or cramps.
"Andy kept whining about the cut on his knee. He's scraped that knee up bicycling every week of his life and I've never heard him talk about it before," wondered one father.
These complaints are a way for your child to say, "I'm hurting inside," without the necessity of vocalizing it. Such physical manifestations may continue long after the initial attack. Listen to the complaints, and be appropriately sympathetic. By comforting the physical manifestation of what is actually an internal hurt, you'll be healing both.
Be alert for anger.
Keep in mind that anger can be a cover for other, more complicated emotions. If you notice that your child seems unusually angry, or is behaving more aggressively than usual, there is a good chance that she feels scared and helpless.
"I came downstairs the next morning," said one mother, "and Bobbie was jumping up and down on his favorite stuffed bear. I didn't know whether to laugh or weep."
Parents often find it difficult to see their children expressing anger. Our tendency is to distract or rebuke them. Forcing your child to contain his emotions, however, is the worst thing you can do if you want him to recover. As long as the anger is not harmful to the child or others, it is a positive thing. Remember that any expression of emotion, including anger, is a healing, empowering device.
Watch for regression.
Watch for behavioral regression. Children under stress typically respond with a temporary lapse in age-appropriate behavior. In the same way that bringing a newborn into the house may mean your three year old is suddenly back in diapers, the aftermath of a terrorist attack may find all your children suddenly behaving younger than their ages.
You may see thumb sucking, toilet accidents, and generally younger behavior. By returning to a younger stage, your child is forcing you to respond as when he was younger, and more needy.
"He's suddenly wetting his bed at night, and he’s been toilet trained for a year," one mother worried.
Respond by treating your child as if he were the younger age he is attempting to recapture. Provide lots of love and warmth. And don't worry: This behavior won't last forever.
