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Terrorism & Kids:
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If you're concerned that your child isn't bouncing back from his anxiety around the recent events, here are three tips to help him cope from the new book, "Terrorism and Kids: Comforting Your Child" by Fern Reiss. Available at bookstores, libraries, or direct from TerrorismAndKids.com.
Give him options
One thing children need after a traumatic experience is to recapture some of the power that the trauma drained from them. Feeling helpless is an emotionally hazardous condition if it persists, and restoring your child?s sense of empowerment is one of the easiest things you can do for him.
Since you're obviously unable to give them a sense of power over the events of the terrorism, enable them in other ways. Give them options about what they'd like for dinner, or where they'd like to go for an outing. Even a toddler can pick her own outfit or choose when to go to the park.
Reminding them of how much control they have over their lives and experiences will be subtly empowering and much appreciated.
Let her be helpful
Just as children respond well after a traumatic incident to choices because they find it empowering, likewise children are comforted by helping out.
"I thought it was a way of trying to make me feel better, but then I could see that the kids were helping set the table and cleaning up their stuff because it was making them feel better," said one astonished mother.
So even if your children don't ask for tasks, look for opportunities to clean up or cook together. This is one case where helpful children are happy children.
Help them make lists
Therapists who work with grieving children report that making lists can be extremely helpful. Writing a list of things to do, for example, can be grounding and keep you focused. Writing a list about the future can remind you that you have a future.
Make lists with your children of things you're grateful for, or happy about. Include talking to friends, music, playing with puppies, hugs, getting a birthday present, sitting in front of a woodstove, and playing on the beach.
Make it a game and see who can come up with the longest and most interesting list of things that are good in your life. This is a fun activity even under normal circumstances; in a traumatic situation, it can be both grounding and cheering.
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