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We’ve become fragmented in our western worldview. As a result, we have developed segmented disciplines in our society: Medicine treats the body’s symptoms; psychology deals with the mind; education trains the intellect; religion cares for the soul. Yet, our mind, body, and spirit together make up one network of connected systems of energy, biochemistry, and behavioral responses.

How do we fulfill the needs of the whole child? What is the foundation for whole child parenting? And what are the building blocks for wholeness?

This column answers these questions by offering information and suggestions as well as answering your specific questions.

The concept of wholeness

Around the world, traditional medicines have always perceived this interconnection of the mind, body and soul, thus treating mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual sickness as symptoms of the same system. Western medical science also supports the concept of wholeness. This is evidenced by discoveries in cellular biology, immunology, neuropsychology, and other fields, which now acknowledge how energy systems coordinate thoughts, feelings and biochemistry.

How does this concept of wholeness translate into parenting? What does it mean for rearing happy, successful children?

We now know what touching and bonding do to provide for the hurt, stressed or sick child. We know what emotions to nurture for positive mental and physical health. We know what negative emotions and limiting beliefs correlate to poor health and depression. We know what food, exercise, breathing styles and sleep patterns are needed by children of different temperaments.

The paradox of whole-child parenting

Some see parenting the whole child as a paradox. It implies that we honor our children’s wholeness while we dissect and discuss the parts of the whole—physical body, mind, emotions, and spirit. That’s our way of understanding how the parts contribute to the whole.

We consider our children’s wholeness when we:

• Bear in mind what emotional and mental factors contribute to strep throat.
• Look to a biochemical problem associated with a child’s temper tantrums.
• Consider what negative self-talk or thoughts float around in the head of a depressed teen.
• Think about how children spend their time, and if their activities are balanced between quiet and stimulating.
• Regard childhood patterns from a holistic perspective. That includes the child who falls down all the time, the one who has allergies, the one who is shy and sensitive, the one who doesn’t want to be touched, and so on. We want to help, but do we help their biochemistry, their behavior, or their spirit?

Bundles of energy

The foundation of whole-child parenting is understanding that our children are bundles of energy in the form of thoughts, physical activity, emotional expression, and inner spirit, passion or soul.

So rather than thinking about managing our children, think about managing their energy.

The energy of the body needs food, touch, air and water. The energy of the emotions needs positive input like optimism, smiles and support. The energy of thought needs inspiration and imagination or it gets bored. The energy of the spirit needs connection, faith, compassion and quiet. It needs calm moments of awareness.

Most of us know these things and have our own intuitive ways of mothering and fathering our children. In fact, the joy of parenting the whole child is discovering how much you already know and do. The ease of whole child parenting is that if one way doesn’t work, there is always another way. For example, because we know that the nature of emotional energy can be chaotic, we find several ways to structure and channel positive emotional energy with our child. We might follow schedules, share meals, read books and see a heart-wrenching movie.

A soul living in a child’s body

Thinking of a child as an “energy bundle” helps us take our parenting less personally when a child screams, “I hate you.” What we want to take personally is that this soul is living with us in a child’s body. We are responsible for helping this child to develop optimally.

Parenting is really about educating the mind and body so our children are happy, successful and well—in the soul-filled sense. So in this column, we will define the mind-body connection and show how working with this connection forms building blocks for parenting the whole child.