| Help Children Cope with Trauma
Page 2
Back to Building Blocks: Parenting the Whole Child | | | by Dr. Caron B. Goode | |
{Read Page 1, Symptoms of the Traumatized Child}
Coping Skills
Here are some ways we can help children cope with trauma.
Deep Abdominal Breathing
In times of high stress or trauma, breathing becomes shallow and restricted. Watch for shortness of breath, and shallow, high chest movements. This is the last thing you want to see in your children. Rather, breathe through the anxiety or tension, allowing the moment to pass so the body doesn’t become taut and stressed. At the International Breath Institute, a training organization in stress and health management, children are taught to use this first step in breath retraining.
- a. Have the child lie down, with a pillow under his/her knees for comfort. Placing your hand on their abdomen, ask the child to inhale into his belly, blowing it up like a balloon. Then exhale, completely emptying the air out of the abdomen and lungs. Rest, and do this several more times until your child is comfortable with it.
- b. Next, have your child place his own hand, with or without yours, on the abdomen and feel the process for him/herself. Practice it together so it is a mutual relaxation. For younger children, the hand on the abdomen provides a concrete anchor for showing them where to direct their breath.
- c. Have your child sit up and try it again. This shows your child how to do it for himself. Discuss ways he can use this technique when he feels his stomach tighten in stress or anxiety.
Touch Can Relax
Research in healing children of abuse and trauma indicates that touching your children can help them feel safe and relax them at the same time. The younger the child, the more important the tangible contact of trustworthy person becomes.
- a. While sitting next to each other, open the palm of your child’s hand and gently move in a circular motion.
- b. Massage the point between thumb and index finger.
- c. While talking with your child or standing next to them, rest your hand on the shoulder blade or at the back of the heart, between the shoulder blades. Many children hold tension in these spots from sitting too long, watching television or computers or from poor posture. During intense stress, tension builds in this part of the body.
- d. Head massages along the temples and forehead before sleeping at night can help children release tension and worries.
Music
Different types of music help children both relax as well as release excess energy. For example, The Mozart Effect is designed to stimulate mental focus if a child needs to complete homework. The Cosmic Waltz offers relaxing music, yet affirming phrases to help children physically relax and be mentally alert. Divert tension with some evenly paced Latin dancing rhythms
. Not that active? Hawaiian music is shown to relax the body and the mind. Lullabies
of course can soothe some taut nerves.
Encourage Expression Break out the crayons, paints, and newsprint for emotional expression. Some children cannot express verbally the turmoil after trauma. By definition of trauma, the emotional numbness we feel has no words, and sometimes no identifiable feelings. Encourage children to draw, paint or color whatever they feel like. This exercise has no specific result like a picture that children have to tell you about. This is a silent way to express and to remove emotional tension.
Walking Another way to move energy is to take a walk, preferably in a peaceful and quiet place. This stimulates the immune system in several ways. If nature is not available to you, sit in a rocking chair with younger children and play soft music. The act of rocking also releases tension and stimulates the immune system, not to mention the positive bonding shared through touch and breath.
Some tips about emotional support for children in trauma:
- In trauma, one’s adrenaline pumps the heart, surges energy to the muscles, and shunts oxygen away from the brain. OF utmost importance is to handle the stress first. Traumatic shock can cause physical illness. This illness is the body’s way of shutting down so assimilation of the event and healing can take place.
- Let silence be all right. The urge to “talk things out” may not be necessary if stress levels are so high that children cannot think. When words won’t come, touch – holding hands and hugs may keeps the contact solid.
- If you are not available, children still need physical anchors of some sort. Stuffed animals, the favorite blanket, a family pet can feel this need.
- Older children may need time to sort out thoughts and feelings – gift them with a private diary, and assure them their thoughts and feelings, no matter how angry or hurt, can be written down to relieve the pressure felt in the body.
- When children are ready to talk, be ready to listen. Really hearing children means looking them in the eye, holding their hand, and not offering advice. Rather use phrases like: Tell me more. Explain more. Expand on that. What do you mean? Does your gut want to say something? Can I answer any of your concerns? Thank you for sharing. It helps me too!
- Children may ask you the esoteric questions that have no answers, “Why did this happen? Will it happen again?” Answer with your heart, and if you have no answers, be honest enough to say you don’t know yet, and you could talk about it tomorrow. It is also all right to let children know that some actions of men can’t be explained. Sometimes it helps to let it be all right that there are no immediate answers.
© 2001 by Caron B. Goode, Ed.D
| | More from Dr. Caron Goode | | | Intro to Parenting the Whole Child
How Deep Breathing Can Help Your Child
Parenting Questions & Answers | | | | |
