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| I Remember You Back to The Expanded Sky |
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| by Alice Wisler | |||
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What do you do as a tribute to the loved one who is no longer here? What have you done to let his light continue to shine in your corner of the world? And if you needed to change what you do, could you? I know that your loved one is constantly on your mind and that the connection of love between you and him is still strong. You couldn't forget him even if you tried. | |||
| More from Alice Wisler | |||
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Daily your thoughts are occupied by him -- everything from the way
he smiled at you to how he brushed his teeth. Although the non-bereaved
may think that if you try hard enough you can keep from being reminded of
your deceased loved one, we bereaved know that is far from the truth.
Regardless, many believe that you only recall his memory on
certain days like a birthday or Christmas, or when memories bring
those triggers of days gone by.
After Daniel died -- my sweet blond-haired four-year-old with the infectious laugh -- I was certain that the things I did from that day in his memory would carry on throughout the rest of my life. I thought that I would always write a new poem on his anniversary death date, eat egg rolls on Christmas Eve, donate to The National Childhood Cancer Foundation, and volunteer at the local hospice's Tree of Remembrance. The truth is we change. It makes sense that what we do in memory changes. By the ninth anniversary of Daniel's death, lighting a candle, getting a few cards from loving friends and family members, and sharing him with a new co-worker was enough for that February 2. I didn't feel the "need" to come up with a poem. There are two important things when it comes to the ways we memorialize our loved one. One is to have something significant that you do in his or her memory. In my monthly ezine, Tributes, I encourage parents and siblings to be interviewed about what they do in memory. It is fascinating to see all the creative ways people memorialize their loved one. Some go to hospitals with blankets for premature babies. Others set up scholarships so that those less fortunate can achieve higher education. There is no end to the inventive ways the bereaved can encircle the memory of a loved one and give to the rest of society in his name. The second aspect I stress is the freedom to change what is done in memory. As we need freedom to grieve and weep boldly when our loved one passes from life to death, we must also exercise the freedom to change our patterns. This simply means that we don't have to do in year five what we did in year one. We are not burdened with routines or rituals we do not feel the need to continue. It is okay to no longer be the editor of a bereavement publication or as in my case, not write the yearly poem. |
Living Life from the Graveyard Is There Laughter After Death? Grief Meets the Answering Machine There is Nothing Wrong with You! Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief | ||
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Smile, dance, live. Find the meaning in each way you remember your loved one. Let it bring you -- the living -- joy, a token of the joy there was in knowing your special loved one here on earth. Leave those burdens behind. | |||
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