Mother|Father|StepParent|Wife|Husband|Partner
Sister|Brother|Cousin|Daughter|Son|Manager|Employee
Friend|Confidant|Patient|Caregiver|Financial Manager|Transporter/Driver

We all have a plateful of relationships — some of which we actively choose and some of which we are required to maintain. Take a moment and consider each role or relationship you have in your life, one at a time. How does that relationship make you feel? Does it fill you up and give you energy and joy? Or does it feel heavy and require a lot of your energy to maintain?

Of course, the key to relationship is that relationship requires more than just you. Each person who participates in, or benefits from, the relationship contributes to the quality. Pick one relationship that you just identified. Do you know what your obligations are for this role or relationship? What does the person or people involved in this relationship think are the obligations? Can they answer that question? Does it match your expectations?

Laying the Foundation for Wellness

Guilty Pleasures

A Brick in the Foundation: Physical Health

A Brick in the Foundation: Emotional Health

Holiday Markers

A Brick in the Foundation: Environmental Health

A Brick in the Foundation: Spirituality

A Brick in the Foundation: Intellectual Health

Finding Your Balance Point

The How To

The How To - Muscle Relaxation

Relationships where you both understand and agree to the expectations will bring much more positive energy than those where you feel out of balance with the other person. Maybe you have a whole network of supporters who meet this description, or just one very close friend. Each of us has different social needs and wants.

Even with our individuality, given the complexity of relationships, we have all had moments when we wished we could climb to a mountain retreat and be alone. Then there are the times when we wish we could have more support. These are times in our lives that are difficult, whether we wish to be alone or to have a broader circle of friends around us.

But, are these times more than just difficult emotionally? Do these times have a direct impact on physical health?

Is it important for our health to have connections to others?

Researchers have found that social support can have dramatic effects on the body. Lack of quality connections to other people can lead to higher blood pressure, decreased immune function, and imbalances in the functioning of your hormones that lead to effects on all parts of your body.

Interestingly, it is not the number of people you are friends with that staves off these ill effects, it is the number of quality relationships you have. So, if you have a good marriage, or a good confidant, you are going to be protected. If, however, your marriage does not fulfill you or your friends are mostly acquaintances with whom you wouldn’t share much beyond “good morning,” you do not get the benefits of positive social support.

So, how does social support work? What happens in the body as a result of having quality connections? The science of social support has been studied extensively. An important factor in social support is stress. If you do not have adequate social support, then you don’t have a good buffer to the stress of daily life.

Stress has many effects on the body. One of the major effects of higher levels of stress in the body is that the body’s “defense mechanism” is kicked into gear. Higher levels of stress hormones, including norepinephrine (NE), epinephrine, and cortisol are circulated in the body. These hormones reduce the ability of the immune system to function, preventing it from eliminating disease from the body. Over time, this can lead to problems in the body. Specifically, it has been reported that the risks associated with the lack of social support are comparable to the risks associated with smoking.

So, how does social support affect health? Social support mediates the impact of chronic stress on our lives. Connections to other people provide an outlet for the negative and frustrating feelings we all have as daily life unfolds. With less stress building up in our bodies, there are fewer physiologic responses in the body, less stress on our organs, and therefore our health is better than it would have been without the connections. These effects are documented in the cardiovascular system, the endocrine system, and the immune system.

How does one get this effect from social support? Concentrate on building close relationships with people. We need to be engaged, not just in our own individual pursuits, but also in building our connections to others. Recognizing the relationships that bring us happiness and energy versus the relationships that take energy from us is the first step to bringing balance to the social dimension. How can you re-negotiate the energy draining relationships so that you can take better care of yourself? How can you add meaningful relationships so that you can take advantage of the “vitamin effect?”

The social dimension is just one of the dimensions that contributes to your quality of life. I chose this dimension as the first dimension to talk about in detail because in our lives today, time is at a premium. Friendships can seem like a luxury. But as you re-invest in this luxury, you will find the benefits showing in all areas of your life. Friendships are an important tool that can positively affect your health as you work to make changes in all of the other dimensions.

Now is the time to open up your planner and schedule that lunch you have been meaning to have!